Can I vent?
I know that in my last post I was really excited because I have a plan to run a 5K on my birthday.
But, a few days ago, I came up with the plan that I was going to "spontaneously" run this quick 2-mile race this morning nearby (the St. Malachi run). I was really excited, thinking that this is what I need, and it'll be great.
Well, it snowed about a foot yesterday.
But then it stopped, and warmed up. Most of the snow was cleared away, and I thought, "Ok, I'll still do it." (Not registered yet)
I even talked Derek into driving with me early enough to register ...
Until last night was HORRIBLE and Lorelei kept us up for like 2 hours in the middle of the night screaming. Ugh! This morning, I could not even get out of bed. Not to mention the fact that I didn't want to wake her to nurse after she had slept so horribly.
For the first time, I resorted to putting headphones on and blasting music super-loud (thank you Alexi Murdoch and Adele) so I wouldn't have to hear her screaming. Derek was soothing her during this time, but she was just too upset. And she had already eaten, so I don't know what's up with that. (She's teething, which sucks, but the doctor said she doesn't like to blame sleeplessness on teething. I don't know if that's right.) And the whole time I was lying there, trying not to feel selfish or resentful, but I did. I know, right?
Confession! I still think about myself. I want to do things that make me happy, and I feel that now, I just can't. It doesn't mean that I don't love my baby, but I am feeling like I will never be able to race again, because I cannot get a good night's sleep. EVER.
So, yeah, no race this morning, and I'm really bummed about it. Sorry to be depressing today, but I am so sad.
At least it's sunny out, so I think I'll try to get out there later today.