Back to the land of the living (and working)

It's been almost 9 weeks since Reina was born -- wow, that totally flew by! Overall, it has been a more delightful, easier ride than with Lorelei as an infant. Not to say that Reina is an "easy baby" or anything, but she doesn't spend all her waking hours screaming for hours on end. She (kind of) sleeps at night, though not "through the night." She's only done that a handful of times, and I'm trying my best not to stress about what conditions caused that. Probably none. Just randomness.

I'm getting back to myself in a couple of ways. I feel fully recovered at this point (though still tired). I have run a total of one time since I had her -- but I plan on running today. Let's see if that happens... And I have decided to go back to work.

When I say "go back to work," I don't mean return to the job I had before. That position ended at the end of the school year and I was unsure whether I would just stay at home with the girls or try to find work. While I've been having a lovely maternity "vacation" -- Lorelei still went to her babysitter while I stayed at home with Reina -- that was not exactly sustainable, for a number of reasons. If I decided not to return to the working world, I'd be committing to staying home with both kids. Lorelei's babysitter is a wonderful person and has been the best possible option for our family until now. I wouldn't want to lose her either.

So, starting Monday, I will be going to a new job and both children will be with the sitter. I am very excited, but of course there will probably be many tearful mornings when I simply will not be liking this at all. When the snow is falling, I'm going to curse myself for making this decision. When the babysitter tells me of something amazing either of the girls did, I'm going to wonder why I decided not to be there for those milestones.

But I have come to realize this about myself: I need to work. Not only to contribute to our family's income, but also to feel a social connection outside of my children and husband. Plus, I need to fulfill a creative, productive urge that has nothing to do with my kids. It's kind of ironic, actually, because I work with children in my field. But it's just different. I can't explain it.

I know a few moms who have recently decided to become stay-at-home-moms instead of going to work. That is totally cool too. I did that with Lorelei. But I couldn't help feeling trapped as a stay-at-home mom. Maybe it's because I didn't find a great group of moms in my area to hang out with. I went to a breastfeeding support group, and a moms group, once in awhile, but neither were close to where we lived. I also felt -- and still feel, to a certain extent -- a healthy dose of anxiety when it comes to constantly being with groups of moms and their kids (and my own). I always feel as though my kid is going to do something "wrong," or that I'll get ostracized or something. I know that sounds ridiculous. But it's not easy to just "put yourself out there" and trust that everyone has those irrational fears.

So anyway. Life's going to get crazy here for awhile (possibly forever). But I hope I can still check in from time to time.

P.S. Any moms who happen to be reading this who have done partial weaning (nursing morning and night but formula feeding during the day), I'd love to hear how it went for you! Looking forward to having this uncomfortable period, where my supply is reorganizing itself, to be overwith. Thanks!

Fun on the farm

This past Saturday, Derek and I took the gang to Dodd's Hillcrest Orchards in Amherst, OH. We've been on a "pick your own" kick since the summer, when we went blueberry picking and peach picking. (By the way, if you are into this, check out pickyourown.org. It's a great website devoted to finding farms to pick stuff, and includes tons of recipes and tips for preserving and canning fruit. I first found the site when I was looking for a good blueberry pie recipe two years ago, and I have never used another recipe since then!)

We headed out Saturday at around 1 or 2. After checking the place out and buying our passes ($4/adult; kids under 3 are free), we hopped on a breezy, bumpy hay ride.

Me and Lolo

 After awhile, though, it started to get windy, a few drops of rain fell, and ... it started pouring! I think I was the only one bothered by this. Lolo thought it was funny, and Reina just slept the entire time.

Derek and Reina

Here's a picture of me and Lolo after the wind picked up a bit:

We took the ride back to the entrance, where we waited in the car for an HOUR, to no avail. We ended up buying some pumpkins, a squash, and two bags of apples from the little market at the front. Here's a (doctored) picture of the storefront through the rainy windshield:

Oh well, better luck next time!

Annoyances of creating a new blog

...You think of a good name for your blog, but then you see the domain name is already taken. Even if the blog is not the same title, the address is, so that won't work. I don't want people accidentally going to the wrong site...arg! This has happened twice already. Now I have to think of a third "good name" for this yet-to-be-determined new blog.

Well, maybe I broke the ice already by starting to post again, so for right now, I'll stay right here :)

Two reasons I haven't blogged in over a year

1. My first kid.

2. My second kid.

No, but seriously ... well, actually, that was serious! I have been so busy, it's like I've been a different person. I bet nobody knew I was even pregnant again! That would be my fault, because I fell off the face of the earth.

I started working again in September of 2011, and, as most of you moms would attest, it is nearly impossible to balance having children and working full-time and still have the ability to engage in all of your "extracurriculars." So blogging was, unfortunately, first to go, especially since I've been writing part-time for CliqueClack which pretty much took all the writing gusto I had left within my haggard bones. (Ha, ha.)

Other than that, I've just been mom-ing it up as usual. Our second daughter was born on July 30, 2012. I went for my first postpartum run (well, run/walk) last night and it felt great ... so I thought I ought to share that!

As of now, I'm unsure about the status of this blog. I am thinking I may create a new one to better reflect my current "musings." I was thinking about it this way: people write books about periods in their lives (memoirs, essays, etc.) or even write different novels which serve different purposes and are geared toward different audiences. Well, why can't a blog be like that too? It's almost like Blog and White Cookie was my running blog with a bit of stuff thrown in. While I am still a runner (in my head, anyway), being a parent has taken over most of my thoughts. And I have really funny stories about it. So I think I may head in another direction with the new blog, talking about mostly parenting stuff.

Now I realize that the Internet needs another Mommy Blog the way that New Yorkers need a sugary beverage greater than 16 ounces: it's in no way necessary, but if it's in front of you, you'll take it. I don't really want this to be a "parenting" blog. That actually makes me wanna vomit a little. But I am a parent now, so it will be a blog written by a parent. And maybe it'll be a little bit funny.

So, once I know what's up with that, I'll let everyone know.