Wow, woke up this morning after having many weird dreams and just.did.not.want.to.run long!!! I went to bed semi-early (10 pm) and set my alarm for 6:15...promptly shut it off and went back to sleep for an hour and a half. Finally got out of bed, did normal pre-long-run stuff (PB & J, hydrate, a bit of coffee) and then signed on to Monster.com to update my profile a bit and make my resume public. I don't know, maybe it was all the stress about the job search and maybe I shouldn't have done that work stuff right before my run. I just wasn't in the mood. But I got ready anyway and Derek even said he'd run the first mile with me, then turn around at Steelyard Commons and run home.
Got my ipod ready, got my gels and phone and keys and ID and cash (I'm beginning to feel like a crazy bag lady with pockets and pouches and fanny packs instead of bags, it's really annoying) and strapped on my new Amphipod double-bottle doohickey...and almost IMMEDIATELY the pouch started bouncing and then when I went to adjust it, one of the bottles fell out. Then, I tried tightening it and putting it up higher, but then my elbows kept banging into the bottles because they stick out to each side. WOW. I got TOTALLY frustrated, and even (I'm not proud to say this) threw down my visor, pouch, and ipod and pretty much had a hissy fit. (Derek is the most patient husband ever, and didn't freak out at me for freaking out, he just tried to calm me down. Thank you, honey. :))
This is not the first time I've had a major freakout at nothing while training. But, when you try so hard during the week, and on the weekend, to prepare and do everything right (get to sleep early, not drink alcohol, etc.), the last thing you want to have happen is some minor inconvenience that COMPLETELY affects your run. I was really upset about my Camelbak getting stolen, and I thought this Amphipod would be an ok substitute, but it's just not. And I'm annoyed at myself for listening to the guy at the store who said that the hydration backpacks are really only for cycling. I don't know, but I'd rather have the weight distributed among my shoulders and back than only on my lower back, with these bottles getting in the way and not even staying in place. Then of course I remembered that women's bodies (uh, hips/butt!) are not built like mens', and of course this dude at the store wouldn't have realized that while he could wear this thing anywhere he wanted, I have certain curvature that wouldn't allow for that. And I know I could have just carried the bottles, but that's annoying too, and I am the type of person who just needs a lot of water during these runs, especially in the summer.
The last time I had a nervous breakdown was around the same point in my training for Phoenix. My training had taken me just past the half-marathon distance, but I was not yet comfortable with that 14-16 mile range, and I felt like I just couldn't do it. Derek was there for that episode as well, when he met me in Central Park and ran the last 5 miles with me. I don't know, there's something about breaking through that barrier to the "long" runs and then getting comfortable with running them every week. Now Bob Glover and some other competitive marathoners who have made training guides don't think long runs are actually long unless they are 18-20 miles. Most "commoners" would say anything over 8 is long. For me it starts to get tricky at 10 and up. Last week I was scheduled to do 15 but stopped at 11.5, mostly because my family had plans (we were at Walloon and had to go into town) and I didn't want to hold them up. This week I am saying I want to do 14 (not sure I can jump up to 15). But I just couldn't hang on today. After that whole freakout, Derek gave me another lightweight backpack to use, which was ok, and we started running, but my heart wasn't in it. So we turned around together, and then I did another 2 or so on my own for a total of 4 miles for today. Tomorrow we shall try again. But it's supposed to be 92 tomorrow, which is why I felt extra pressure to do my long run today. Oh well.
I guess I'm just not having a good day.