Happy New Year!

These last few weeks have been filled with family, friends, cooking, shopping, and traveling. Some are better with a baby....and some aren't!

Being home again feels good. My own bed with my own pillows. My own shower and clothes that don't come out of a suitcase. All of Lorelei's stuff at hand instead of in bags. And she gets to "sleep" (ha ha) in her own crib too, instead of a pack and play! (Although she does enjoy the pack and play.)

Well, I guess it's 2011! What?! And time for some "ideal situations" (I wouldn't dare call them resolutions, and I really don't even want to call them goals, because then if they're not met, then they're just disappointments).

My Ideal Situations for 2011

• Get the hang of this whole baby thing. Or at least get a little better at balancing no sleep with all I have to do during the day.
• Run more races. A 5k to start, some 10ks, and 1-2 half marathons.
• IF and only IF I get into the NYC Marathon lottery, consider doing that one (or perhaps defer for  a year).
• Lose some/all of the "baby weight." Ideally: 15 pounds. But I'd settle for 10.
• Blog more. I like it, and don't usually give myself time to do it.
• Meet new people in the Cleveland area (ideally, other moms and/or runners).
• Look into a career change. That one, I have only recently been thinking about. Not to say that I definitely want to go back to school right away, or that I even definitely want to leave teaching, but...I want to consider other options, especially since I feel like I started teaching spontaneously (NYCTF program after college) without having a lifelong desire to do it. And I'm not totally sure that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. So anyway, I want to explore my options this year.

Here is a recent picture of Lorelei (although, seriously, there are SO MANY from over the holidays that it was hard to pick just one!):

BF: Not my Best Friend

So, Lorelei is almost 10 weeks old now. In a few more weeks, she'll turn 3 months old (crazy!).

My mother-in-law, "C," told me that when her daughter "M" had her two babies, that she breast fed them for 3 months. "That was enough for her," C said. "She was very committed to it, but 3 months was when she just said, "Okay, moving to formula."

When I first heard this, I have to say, I felt a little bit of pride (or maybe it was self-righteousness?) well up inside  of me. Three months!? HA! I'm doing a YEAR! Six months, at minimum. 3 months is NOTHING!

Um....can we make it to three months, already?!

It's not that I am wanting to quit nursing. It's just that I am...considering it. The most important reason is because after all this time, I'm still in pain. There are other reasons that I could add, and which I will add, when weighing the options of this decision. But the only reason I am even thinking about stopping is the pain.

Here's a pro/con list...

PROS: Continue Breastfeeding Because..

• It's best for Lorelei
• It's "easy" (no bottles to make or clean up)
• It's portable
• She gains immunity and will rarely get sick (I pass my antibodies on to her through the milk)
• Easily digestible for Lorelei; fewer stomach problems (potentially)
• Diapers are more "pleasant" (ha ha), less constipation
• Weight-loss booster for me
• Strong bonding sessions between us
• It doesn't cost a cent
• less spitting up/gassiness

CONS: Stop Breastfeeding at 3 Months Because...

• Pain while nursing (left side only); excruciating at times, other times merely bearable (with Advil).
• Recurring clogged ducts and nipple blisters/blebs
• Mastitis - for me, the agony of this infection was worse than labor. I have to take Lecithin, a supplement which helps your milk flow easier, 3 times a day or else the clogs come back.
• Freedom to go out and leave baby with Derek or sitter without having to pump.
• Freedom to drink alcohol without worrying about it getting to the baby.
• Freedom to eat anything I please without worrying about reactions/sensitivities (this was a huge problem before, but she has since outgrown the dairy allergy, THANK GOD!, so that's not really an issue. However, sometimes she has horrible gas/fussiness and we can't pinpoint whether it's something I've eaten that is troubling her.)
• Can still bond with bottle, as long as I maintain eye contact and snuggle while feeding her.
• Derek can have more of an active role in feedings (right now he feeds a bottle about 2x or 3x/week total). This is nice so he can spend more time with Lorelei, but also to relieve me "from my duties" and allow me some more sleep.
• Unconfirmed - but theories are that formula-fed babies sleep longer because they are fuller longer, whereas breastfed babies wake more often to feed. Right now Lorelei is waking a minimum of 2x/night to eat and I am getting choppy, restless sleep because of it.
• No more NIP (nursing in public). Oh, how I hate that. Or nursing in the car. Or in a public bathroom. God I hate that. I do have a nursing cover, but it's awkward and I am such a modest person that I really feel uncomfortable with NIP.
• No more worrying about pumping. I am SO SICK OF PUMPING. Pumping to maintain or build supply, pumping to relieve clogs or PREVENT clogs, pumping to empty the breast if she falls asleep, pumping to have a bottle for Derek in case I have somewhere else to be. Plus I am having very little success while pumping. Not really getting a lot of milk. It's almost better sometimes if I hand-express it. Which is ridiculous and takes FOREVER. Thank god I don't have to go back to work now, because I have nothing saved up at all.
• Which leads to....no more feeling incompetent or like a failure. :( Of course, I WILL most definitely feel like a failure for probably a couple weeks when I do decide to stop BFing (provided it's before six months). But right now, I have so many questions. Is she getting enough? Is she gaining enough weight? Is she happy at the breast, or frustrated? Is she constantly hungry? Is she just comfort nursing? With formula (or at least with a bottle - even of expressed milk), I know what she's eating and it's not a guessing game. I know that "we produce what our baby needs" and that nature is a remarkable thing, but I can't help but wonder sometimes if she is unhappy because I am not giving her enough milk. Sometimes I feel as though my right side (which, luckily, never hurts while she nurses) hardly produces anything at all, whereas my left side, my super producer, is the one that KILLS when she nurses. I have seen an LC more than once, have attended multiple breastfeeding classes and groups, have seen a nurse from the OB-GYN's office who specializes in BFing, and have had a nurse come to the house to coach me with her. I have tried a nipple shield. And then a different nipple shield. The left side STILL HURTS. I am so frustrated and don't know what to do!!! Hence feeling like a failure.
• Possibly, but maybe not - I will stop being a total bitch due to being overtired and cranky. Maybe I will have more energy and be nice to Derek instead of snapping at him. Maybe I will have more patience with Lorelei when she is screaming and crying, instead of crying myself and passing her off to Derek so I can cry in the shower.

Whew.

As you can probably tell, this is a highly sensitive, emotional decision for me. It consumes most of my day. It's not an easy decision to make. And the question I guess becomes, whose health is more "important?" Mine, or Lorelei's? Yes, BFing provides her with everything she needs. It is the "perfect food." But is that more important than having a mom who is happy and well-rested? Who has more energy to take care of her and play with her because she is not throughly exhausted and both physically and emotionally drained every day?

I do want to wait until three months, though, because I have heard that things improved drastically at this point for most babies, even ones with colic (which I am pretty sure Lorelei has). Maybe once she starts sleeping more and being less irritable, I will relax, produce more milk, be less stressed, etc. Maybe the pain will subside, like so many BFing veterans have told me. Maybe.

I guess I'll just have to see what three months will bring.

Fussy Time: It's not just for babies

I was thinking about "Fussy time" today. Although most babies do have a few hours or so each night where they are acting extra...well...nuts, we all stress about it and sometimes even call it "colic." Even though babies cry! A lot! They're supposed to. But sometimes, adults get just as fussy about it.

Like me! I stress out at practically anything and everything. And, after a good day with (hopefully) 2-3 naps for Lorelei and one for me, a nice bath, changing, feeding, burping, and snuggling...it is stressful and confusing for parents when babies just act like a crazy baby has taken his or her place. "Why now?" we say. As adults, we want to relax at night. We've had a busy day, we've worked, ran errands, etc. and now we have cooking and dinner to accomplish. Yes, it IS an accomplishment to cook dinner with a whiny baby! Even bigger of an accomplishment is when we actually have a second to sit down and EAT said dinner. Derek and I often have to take turns soothing the baby while the other scarfs down dinner. And, even more often, even if Lorelei has ALREADY eaten, she'll have to have dinner #2 before I can even have dinner #1. So my dinner gets cold, and I'm cranky because of hunger. And Derek is probably getting work done, and even if he's not, he wants some time to unwind too and just enjoy the baby - not console her.

Enter adult fussiness! During the day, we adults expect to be annoyed at stuff. Daytime is for doing important stuff. Nighttime is for doing what WE want. Wait, what?! There IS no more "what we want?" Oh, right, I forgot. This pisses me off! Making my tolerance for baby's screams lower. Adult fussiness, I tell ya!

In other news...the question of the day for babywearing moms is...

How do I, like, go to the bathroom when my baby is sleeping in the Moby?

Answer:
Very carefully.

A swing is not a boob (and other six-week musings)

Today marked Lorelei's six-week birthday (at 6:17 am! Hell yes I was awake). So many things have been going so much better, and others have been continuing to confuse and frustrate us.

Right now Lorelei is spending some time in her lambie swing, which she just loves! However, something strange has happened. The last few times she's been in there, she has craned her neck to one side and started to fake nurse on the pillow part of the swing! WTF!?! And I know she's not hungry, because I just fed her.

This, of course, worries me a bit due to the whole SIDS thing - is she going to smother in there? But the other part of me is just amused, because, well, she nurses probably 18 out of 24 hours every day, it's no wonder she is  always looking for a boob!

The other thing she's doing in the swing right now--and in general--is smiling, cooing, and making baby noises other than crying. That is a huge relief. Not only that she is somehow developing different types of communication skills, but also that I know that she's not really so unhappy all the time, which I had no way of knowing before.

Nursing is going "well," by which I mean it's still going. I've had a bunch of problems thus far, but luckily none of them have gotten in the way of our Little Miss getting enough to eat. Last week I got mastitis and had to go on antibiotics. :( Three weeks ago I also stopped eating dairy products because of "interesting" diaper colors and textures. However, I've also sorta stopped eating peanuts/peanut butter..and decided to try it out this morning (had a tablespoon of PB on bread). If she has a reaction, then it's possible it's peanuts and NOT dairy (because those two were the only two foods I really consumed on a daily basis). So I'll try a switch if that happens. OR, it could be both! Wonderful. Can you imagine if I had to go about my running life without eating peanut butter?! That's my go-to long run/race pre-snack. Well, I won't jump to conclusions yet...of course, I could always avoid this issue and give formula so that my diet doesn't have to change. But I'm not really interested in that option yet.

Sleeping is sort of better, but not great. For a while, she was only sleeping in the swing for extended periods of time (the longest being 4 or 5 hours overnight) and only like 30 minutes to an hour in the crib or bassinet (and that was if we could even get her to fall asleep--usually putting her down on a flat surface rouses her and she starts crying, even if she is in a deep sleep!). But the last two nights we have been trying harder with the bassinet, because we will be traveling next week for Thanksgiving and won't have the swing with us! She has been doing pretty well - I think she has gotten up to about 2 or 2 1/2 hours now in that. Maybe even 3 hours, although honestly, any times recorded between the hours of midnight and 6 am are quite fuzzy to me, so apologies for not remembering accurately!

Also, we've found this technique from The Happiest Baby on the Block which includes the 5 Ss: Swaddling, Side/Stomach position, Swinging, Shushing, and Sucking. It's pretty amazing how the "shushing" part works. You kind of have to do it loudly, and it sounds like waves crashing or something (and it's more like "shhhhh" than "shushhh"). It's supposed to mimic the sounds inside your uterus--in fact, all of the 5 Ss are supposed to recreate that. Dr. Karp (the creator of this technique) calls the first three months of life "The Fourth Trimester," where babies are really not used to life outside the womb yet. Makes sense!! And, while I cannot "shhhh" all night long, our Cloud B Sleep Sheep helps TREMENDOUSLY with this! There are four sounds: a heartbeat; whale sounds; rain, and ocean waves (which sounds like the "shhh"ing).

Other observations of the past couple of weeks:
1) Your baby will probably have more clothes in one drawer than you have in your entire closet.
2) Some burp cloths are meant to be thrown out. As in, the ones you have to mop up baby crap with.
3) A thank-you email is sometimes necessary instead of a thank-you card in order to maintain sanity (and still give you time to nap).
4) Despite the persistent advice to "avoid housework," you'll still feel self-conscious when a visitor comes, clearing the couch of baby blankets and discarded nursing bras in order to make them feel welcome.
5) A GOOD breastpump is essential! I just ordered the Ameda Purely Yours, which is due to arrive soon, because my manual pump wasn't exactly productive enough.
6) Do NOT skip coffee. Just don't.
7) Have water/snacks at a number of "stations" throughout the apartment, because you never know where you'll be nursing, and you want to be well-stocked wherever you are.

In other news: I had my first workout post-baby! I went to a yoga class called "Beginners and Beyond Ashtanga Yoga." Um, more like beyond beginners! Not too fun. And I'm not really a huge fan of the Astanga style, I realize now. It's ok! Just glad I got back out there. I have my six-week checkup tomorrow, so I'll ask the doctor when it's ok to resume running. Not like I have the time OR energy right now! We'll see.

Here's a recent pic of Lorelei in her crib!

Things I wish I'd been told about having a baby (part 1)

Here is a list (most likely, an ongoing one) of things I wish someone had told me beforehand about this baby business! I've organized them into categories. Enjoy! (Note: many things are TMI so read at your own risk...)

Labor and Delivery
1. You WILL poop on the delivery table.
2. But you really won't care!
3. In fact, all the crazy things you do and say during labor and delivery are in no way representative of how you'd "normally" act. This is imperative if you want to actually let labor progress. (See "letting your monkey do it.")
4. Even if you create a birth plan, things will probably go a little differently than you anticipate. Better to have a birth plan in your heart and head, and concentrate on that, in order to get the experience you want.
5. If you're using an OB, he/she will probably suggest you schedule an induction for around 41 weeks. You have the right to say no, though.

Recovery/Postnatal Care
1. The nurses will make you get up to pee soon after birth.  They'll even follow you into the bathroom. But they'll probably be nice and run the water in the sink and look away while you do it.
2. Remember these items: peri bottle, peri pad, sitz bath, perineal spray. These will be your best friends for roughly 2-3 weeks postpartum.
3. Even if you don't think you need it, TAKE IBUPROFEN for pain! You might also get a prescription for percoset - I don't really think that was necessary, but I'm sure those who had a c-section would probably want that. Oh, and they'll probably recommend you take stool softeners too. Good idea! (Btw, I was really scared about the first postpartum poop, but it was really ok.)
4. If you've had stitches, then burning, itching, etc. is all normal as the incision heals!!!!
5. Expect to wear humongous, mesh granny panties for a few days after birth. The hospital usually provides these (and more maxi-pads then you've seen since since middle school).
6. Go to Target and buy even more maxi pads. Seriously. You'll need 'em. Even if you don't actually (TMI warning!) soak through them, you'll want to change them often because..well, you know. Gross.

Breastfeeding
1. It is NOT easy! It takes time, for you and baby, to understand each other and to "sync up."
2. If you are BFing, start early. Try not to let the nurses take your baby from you until you get a chance to nurse for the first time.
3. For the first few days, you'll feel like your body is not producing anything, and that your baby isn't getting anything. Don't worry - it is and he/she is. The colostrum is highly rich in nutrients and is considered the "perfect food" for your baby. His/her stomach is so tiny at birth so he/she doesn't need a lot anyway. Just keep feeding, and your body will provide what your baby needs.
4. When your milk comes in, you'll feel totally weird! You might even get a low-grade fever (100s). Normal. A little massage, a warm washcloth and/or shower, and perhaps some pumping to relieve engorgement will work.
5. Even though a lot of "experts" will say that BFing shouldn't hurt if baby is latched correctly, IT DOES HURT! It can hurt for a number of reasons and on a scale spanning just weird and uncomfortable to sharp shooting pain. Be sure to be aware of certain conditions (mastitis, thrush), but if you don't have those, your boobs can often be heavy, sore, tender, warm to the touch, etc. You might feel like a knitting needle is being poked all the way through your boob when your baby latches. This will get better with time.
6. Also, the positioning will get easier as your baby learns to support his/her head better and gets bigger. At first, I couldn't do ANYTHING but support her with both hands as she fed. Now...typing one handed works!
7. FIND A GOOD LACTATION CONSULTANT you trust and/or (even better) a breastfeeding support group. These are invaluable. You meet other new moms, you have a quiet and respectful place to nurse and you get to share stories. Plus, the LC is there for advice and for "freebies" (last week she gave out free bottles the hospital didn't need and a recipe for oatmeal cookies to build supply; this week she had candy for Halloween). Even if you're not a joiner, try it.

Crying/Not Sleeping
1.As much as you think you "know" that babies cry...it will still break your heart when they do!
2.Your baby will probably be fussy every evening for no explained reason. This is not necessarily colic. All babies have a fussy time; you just have to figure out what that is for your baby.
3. Your baby might have gas and/or intolerances to foods you eat. You'll know this by, well, gasiness, EXTREME fusiness, and (gross) green/mucuosy diapers. You may have to cut out some things from your diet if your baby is reacting to something you eat and you want to continue to breastfeed. There are LOTS of support groups out there on the web, especially at Baby Center.
4. Another really wonderful, comprehensive site about BFing and parenting is Kelly Mom. 
5. There are a bunch of differing opinions on whether or not babies should be put on a schedule, letting babies cry it out, and sleeping through the night. Most everyone will recommend a book for you to read. I have read literature/articles from both the Cry-it-Out camp and the Attachment Parenting (AP) camp. I personally have discovered myself to be more of an AP parent myself. But you can and should decide for your family and your baby which is best for all of you. Many moms might tell you to read On Becoming Babywise. After reading that book and then The Baby Sleep Book by the Sears family, I think the latter is more comprehensive and more my style. That's just my opinion though!! :) Some other good methods I've heard about are The Baby Whisperer and Zen Baby.

Products We Can't Live Without
1. Moby wrap - stops crying/fussing within five minutes! Great to have on while you do other stuff so you can be hands-free. Also great for walks when you don't want to schlep carseat/stroller everywhere.
2. Baby swing - HELLO! Best thing ever! Baby will ALWAYS sleep in the swing (even if she won't always sleep in the crib..oy vey.)
3. Boppy - or some variation therof. Could not get through the BFing without it!!

And Finally..
1. Take a shower EVERY DAY! It's ok. Just put your baby in a safe place (crib, bassinet, pack n play, strapped in car seat/other seat) and give yourself some time!!!
2. Drink LOTS of water! This is something I have to force myself to remember to do. Also, eating at regular intervals so that you're not starving and as cranky as your baby.
3. I'm not going to tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. That piece of advice is so overused and really like a "duh." However, I WILL tell you that for the most part, you WON'T sleep when the baby sleeps. In fact, you'll more likely SWEEP when the baby sleeps. At least I do, because I'd rather feel in control of the cleanliness of my apartment and keeping up with my stuff. Maybe after a little while I will sleep more. But it's nice to be up and around the apartment when the baby is sleeping because you have some "free time." I do try to get in one nap per day, though.
3. Basically, take care of yourself first, so that you can take care of your little one. And ask for help!!!!

Ok! Wow. I'm sure there will be more....but that's it for now!

I suck

at posting lately! Geez.

Just wanted to put a note out there that all is well. I see Blogger has made some updates. Yikes, I guess it's been awhile!

Highlights of the past few weeks....
-33 weeks along today! Getting down to the wire. Big ol' bump!
-have been working (slowly but) steadily on the baby's room. Will post pics when it's done!
-only 2 more weeks of work until I have time off for the baby!
-went to the dentist...yay? Well, it needed to be done.
-lots of nesting, cleaning, organizing, etc. Sadly though, no running. At all. It's ok though. But seriously, can you moms out there assure me that it WILL happen again? 'Cause I can't even take a walk these days without feeling winded. I guess it's a combination of the oppressive heat as well as the fact that I feel like I have a bowling ball attached to my front. (a very sweet, cute, lovable bowling ball).

How are all of you? Summer rocks, right? Can't wait until next summer, when I can actually have a drink!

Off the face of the Earth

Yikes! It's been awhile since my last posting. I had sorta told myself that I was going to make a concerted effort to blog more often now that summer's here. Well, my intentions were good. My excuse (mainly) is that I have been traveling recently. My husband and I spent a little over a week in Walloon Lake, Michigan  at his family's lake house. Pure bliss! While we were there, we relaxed, read, grilled out, baked 2 pies, went to a Farmer's Market and a couple of small towns, and just had a really great time. I think our little one enjoyed it too!

Here's a calm, quiet view of the lake at sunset (which, in northern MI is at around 10 pm!)

Here's me after an "attempt" to go running (mostly just a brisk walk) at 28 weeks preg:

These are a couple of pictures of the Farmer's Market we visited in Boyne City:

(Handmade baby hats for $2 each!)


Now, I'm in NY visiting my parents. My cousin Josh's wedding is on Sunday in Big Indian, NY (yep, I'd never heard of this town, either, but it's somewhere upstate near Woodstock). Hopefully the hot and muggy weather will leave us for the time it takes for them to get married (outside)!

Anyway, that's about all. 29 weeks along today, and I feel pretty good! (Except our little girl keeps kicking me right in the ribs and has a body part kinda rammed up in there. Ouch!

Oh yeah, Derek started painting the nursery the other day...he finished today and it looks great! Here's the "unfinished" photo. I will post more when everything is all set up in there.

What a good man - he did it all by himself! :)